This post should be labeled a window to my brain...because thats how this morning felt. I could literally see myself thinking of reasons to cheat or start over again tommorrow. It was like my concious self was telling my subconcious self to F-off. This is why I fail. I have a absolutly unending list of imaginery excuses that will get myself out of anything thats difficult or just unpleasant. The whole time I'm getting ready and the entire time I'm driving to work I'm thinking things like "well I can use today to prepare myself and start over tommorrow" "I don't know what to eat for breakfast so I'll just grab something for this morning and star over at lunch"
At the same time I'm thinking JESUS Stephanie you haven't even commited for an hour! How are you gonna do 30 days? Stick with it retard! (yeah I'm a bit forcefule with myself but whatever works right?) Well to make a long fight with myself short, I went to starbucks and got a coffee...good news...all starbucks coffee drinks but like one I've never heard of, are gluten free! So...its 9:24 and I haven't cheated yet...and that was a hurdle to jump.
We'll see about lunch...I have errands so it shouldn't be too hard but all the fast food along the way will probably be shouting "you can just start over tommorrow" Grrr...I hope this is just first day jitters...
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
The beginning
I lack commitment. I always have lacked commitment. As a small child I loved dance class, but I quit after a couple years. As a teenager I loved softball, but hanging out with my friends was more important so I quit that too (returned to dance class and whoops...quit that again). There has not been a single day in my life I haven't wanted to loose weight, even though I wasn't that big in high school or college. However, I cannot rememeber ever working out or dieting on a consistent basis. Apparently...I like to fail.
So I have decided to change that, for at least the next 30 days. Granted, all my goals are physical but I will not ignore the emotional and mental benefits I could gain. I obviously need to prove to myself that I can commit. I can do something, no matter how hard or time consuming. I need to do it to prove to myself that it can be done in the first place. And of course I'm hoping that at the end of 30 days...I learn to love it.
So now to define what IT is...
I currently weigh 238.8 lbs...I'm disgusted. Not only am I HUGE but I'm incredibly unhealthy. So this is the big thing I gotta tackle...the weight and the unhealthy. I want to be thin. I've always wanted to be thin. And, until now, I didn't think too much on how I'd get there. However, now I want to do it right. I want to be healthy. I desperatly want to be one of those FREAKS that likes to eat healthy foods and drink lots of water and can feel the different effects of foods and vitamins on themselves. So...I'm gonna be. Starting today.
I recently discovered a gluten allergy and autoimmune disorder that maybe the cause of my rapid weight gain and general poor health. So first things first...no more gluten. Absolutly none what so ever for the next 30 days. Hopefully, forever but one step at a time. This will automatically be a type of diet because most gluten free foods are naturally healthy stuff like meat, veggies, and fruits.
The next obvious step to losing weight and being healthy is excersise. So...I will be working out every single day for 30 days. I will change it up to keep things interesting but I am going to do something physical for 30 minutes or more everyday for 30 days. Obviously this is alot more then neccessary to promote weight loss. Some say only 3 days a week of moderate excersise for beginners. However, this is where commitment comes in. I need structure to force myself to commit. If I allow myself one single day of relaxation I feel like I'll fail. I feel like I won't want to start up again the next day. My moto is "an object in motion tends to stay in motion". I've also heard that it only takes 2 weeks to form a habit. I want this lifestyle to be a habit. An easy going mindless have to do it kinda habit. So wether it be a yoga class or a Couch to 5k session or walking the dog at the park...it doesnt matter what but for 30 days without a break I will do something.
Also, while I'm getting better internally I want to get better on the outside too. So I am commiting to my skin...I will follow a skincare routine focused on fixing my skin issues twice a day, everyday for 30 days. I've researched and researched til I've down right confused myself but I think I've got a good plan. Execution is the problem. When your so tired from being unhealthy and fat, washing your face and applying the right products at night just seems at the bottom of the list. However, I'm ruining my skin and probably aging myself. So...thats gonna stop.
Alright...so hear it goes...Day 1...commence...
So I have decided to change that, for at least the next 30 days. Granted, all my goals are physical but I will not ignore the emotional and mental benefits I could gain. I obviously need to prove to myself that I can commit. I can do something, no matter how hard or time consuming. I need to do it to prove to myself that it can be done in the first place. And of course I'm hoping that at the end of 30 days...I learn to love it.
So now to define what IT is...
I currently weigh 238.8 lbs...I'm disgusted. Not only am I HUGE but I'm incredibly unhealthy. So this is the big thing I gotta tackle...the weight and the unhealthy. I want to be thin. I've always wanted to be thin. And, until now, I didn't think too much on how I'd get there. However, now I want to do it right. I want to be healthy. I desperatly want to be one of those FREAKS that likes to eat healthy foods and drink lots of water and can feel the different effects of foods and vitamins on themselves. So...I'm gonna be. Starting today.
I recently discovered a gluten allergy and autoimmune disorder that maybe the cause of my rapid weight gain and general poor health. So first things first...no more gluten. Absolutly none what so ever for the next 30 days. Hopefully, forever but one step at a time. This will automatically be a type of diet because most gluten free foods are naturally healthy stuff like meat, veggies, and fruits.
The next obvious step to losing weight and being healthy is excersise. So...I will be working out every single day for 30 days. I will change it up to keep things interesting but I am going to do something physical for 30 minutes or more everyday for 30 days. Obviously this is alot more then neccessary to promote weight loss. Some say only 3 days a week of moderate excersise for beginners. However, this is where commitment comes in. I need structure to force myself to commit. If I allow myself one single day of relaxation I feel like I'll fail. I feel like I won't want to start up again the next day. My moto is "an object in motion tends to stay in motion". I've also heard that it only takes 2 weeks to form a habit. I want this lifestyle to be a habit. An easy going mindless have to do it kinda habit. So wether it be a yoga class or a Couch to 5k session or walking the dog at the park...it doesnt matter what but for 30 days without a break I will do something.
Also, while I'm getting better internally I want to get better on the outside too. So I am commiting to my skin...I will follow a skincare routine focused on fixing my skin issues twice a day, everyday for 30 days. I've researched and researched til I've down right confused myself but I think I've got a good plan. Execution is the problem. When your so tired from being unhealthy and fat, washing your face and applying the right products at night just seems at the bottom of the list. However, I'm ruining my skin and probably aging myself. So...thats gonna stop.
Alright...so hear it goes...Day 1...commence...
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